People Should Mind Their Fucking Business
Lady: Your dog will die outside in this heat.
Me: She's fine. She's been outside for ten minutes. She just drank a ton of water.
Lady: But she's just a puppy. She"ll seriously die.
Me: Lady, you should mind you're business. You have no idea what you're talking about.
Lady: When your dog dies I'm calling the ASPCA.
Me: Lady, kiss me ass and thank god my dog hasn't been to attack school.
Moral of the story; MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. If my dog wasn't a "mean looking pitbull puppy" she wouldn't have said a word.
80 years from now;
Granddaughter: GRANDMA ARE YOU OKAY?
Me: //laughs// HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP
Granddaughter: Grandma this isn't the time for your old 2000 jokes!
Me: WATCH OUT WE GOT A BADASS OVER HERE